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Realism Can Be Romantic

polyverse:

A lifetime is a long time, and time has a way of changing things, of pulling the carpet from under your feet when you least expect it, of turning your certainties upside down, leaving you out of breath.

It’s not unromantic to refuse to say forever. I respect you too much to make promises I might not keep, to ignore the unknowable nature of reality for the sake of a convenient ideal. The only certainty I have is that each time we meet is one closer to the last, and so each time we meet I will love you immensely and enjoy the fuck out of doing so. That way, however and whenever this ends, I may be glad of what was.

I will not use the idea of you to fill the gaps in my life, or push you into a role that doesn’t fit you. We are two complete people who choose to be together because we want to be. What can be better than that?

I’ll talk openly about the future when practicality requires it, but I won’t lean on hopes and plans to the neglect of the present. I love you now, and now matters. It is all we really have, and that is enough.

26

May

35 notes

This text was reblogged from polyverse and originally by polyverse.

#romance #realism #heteronormativity #forever #polyamory #poly #queer

"They don’t teach you this in school. They don’t show you the beauty of existing, they don’t show you the wonder of the earth, they don’t show you the unity that human beings are. They show you who’s better, who’s worse. They show you what they need to show you in order for their system to survive. They don’t show you love."

- Literature On High (via naturalrecovery)

(Source: backwhereitallbegins)

26

May

43,980 notes

This quote was reblogged from recoveryisbeautiful and originally by backwhereitallbegins.

#school #education #love #pedagogy

STEPS TO RELEASE SELF-NEGLECT AND LOVE YOURSELF IN ACTION

carlosconstellate:

1. Begin your day with love (not technology). Remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. Breathe in love and breathe out love. Enfold yourself in light. Saturate your being in love.

2. Take time to mediate and journal. Spend time focusing inward daily. Begin with 5 minutes of meditation and 5 minutes of journaling each morning. Gradually increase this time.

3. Talk yourself happy. Use affirmations to train your mind to become more positive. Put a wrist band on your right wrist. When you’re participating in self-abuse of any form, move the band to your left wrist.

4. Get emotionally honest. Let of go of numbing your feelings. Shopping, eating, and drinking are examples of avoiding discomfort, sadness, and pain. Mindfully breathe your way through your feelings and emotions.

5. Expand your interests. Try something new. Learn a language. Go places you’ve never been. Do things you haven’t done before. You have a right to an awesome life.

6. Enjoy life enhancing activities. Find exercise you like. Discover healthy foods that are good for you. Turn off technology for a day and spend time doing things that make you feel alive.

7. Become willing to surrender. Breathe, relax, and let go. You can never see the whole picture. You don’t know what anything is for. Stop fighting against yourself by thinking and desiring people and events in your life should be different. Your plan may be different from your soul’s intentions.

8. Work on personal and spiritual development. Be willing to surrender and grow. Life is a journey. We are here to learn and love on a deeper level. Take penguin steps and life becomes difficult. One step at a time is enough to proceed forward.

9. Own your potential. Love yourself enough to believe in the limitless opportunities available to you. Take action and create a beautiful life for yourself.

10. Be patient with yourself. Let go of urgency and fear. Relax and transform striving into thriving. Trust in yourself, do good work, and the Universe will reward you.

11. Live in appreciation. Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your talents, beauty, and brilliance. Love your imperfectly perfect self.

12. Be guided by your intuition. All answers come from within. Look for signs and pay attention to your gut feelings. You’ll hear two inner voices when you need to make a decision. The quiet voice is your higher self; the loud voice is your ego. Always go with the quieter voice.

13. Do what honors and respects you. Don’t participate in activities that bring you down. Don’t allow toxic people in your life. Love everyone, but be discerning on who you allow into your life.

14. Accept uncertainty. Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of the future. Put your attention on the present moment and be at peace.

15. Forgive yourself. Learn from your mistakes and go forward. Use this affirmation, “I forgive myself for judging myself for __________ (fill in the blank i.e.: for getting sick, for acting out, for not doing your best.)

16. Discover the power of fun. Self-love requires time to relax, play, and create face-to-face interaction with others. Our fast-paced world creates a goal setting, competitive craziness that doesn’t leave room for play. Dr. Stuart Brow says, “The opposite of play isn’t work, it is depression.”

17. Be real. Speak up and speak out. Allow yourself to be seen, known, and heard. Get comfortable with intimacy (in-to-me-see).

18. Focus on the positive. Go to your heart and dwell on and praise yourself for what you get right in all areas.

19. Become aware of self neglect and rejection. Become conscious of your choices. Ask yourself several times throughout the day, “Does this choice honor me?”

20. Imagine what your life would look like if you believed in your worth. Dedicate your life to loving you. Make it your main event.

21. Seek professional help. Self-rejection and neglect is painful. You deserve to be happy. You have a right to be accepted and loved. If necessary, seek help from a support group, counselor, or coach. It’s the best investment you can make.

(REBLOG)

(Source: dreamsinthyme)

22

May

2,121 notes

This text was reblogged from carlosconstellate and originally by dreamsinthyme.

#self care #emotional justice #activism #spirituality

no hay suficiente ganya en el mundo para soportar a mi familia materna, que es racista, clasista, machista y homofóbica.

19

May

#ganya #personal

Obama Loves Queers! (Except Not)

blackgirldangerous:

by Mia McKenzie

*Read Love, QPOC Style*

President Obama just “endorsed” gay marriage. And guess what? I barely give a damn.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s okay. It’s fine. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Saying that gay people who want to get married to each other should be able to do so is basically a good position. And considering that North Carolina just banned gay marriage yesterday, it’s a nice way to combat (or, at least, speak against) laws invented to discriminate against certain groups of people. In his interview with Robin Roberts (the gayest of all morning show personalities—and that’s saying something!), the President said, “I’ve always been adamant that gay and lesbian Americans should be treated fairly,” and “I’ve just concluded that for me personally it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same sex couples should be able to get married.” Yeah, that sounds great.

He also said, “I have to tell you that over the course of several years as I have talked to friends and family and neighbors when I think about members of my own staff who are in incredibly committed monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, who are raising kids together…”

Um. Okay. Hold up.

See, this is where it gets sticky. And not in a sexy queer way.

So, basically, what the President is saying is that same-sex couples who are in relationships that look a certain way (monogamous, for example) should be able to have all the rights of straight people.

Hmm.

What about those of us, queer and straight, who aren’t into monogamy but are into committed relationships? (And, for the record, you can be poly and be committed to multiple people). We still get the shit end of the stick, right? (No pun intended!) We still don’t get the tax benefits that married people get, or immigration and residency for our (non-monogamous) partners from other countries, or inheritance automatically in the absence of a will, or joint adoption with whomever we choose, or any of the other 1,400 legal rights that are conferred upon married couples in the U.S.. Right?

This is the problem with this whole same-sex marriage thing (okay, there are a lot of problems with it, but this is one). It’s not really about equality. Not for everyone (which is what equality means). It’s just about extending a few more “rights” to a select few people. It’s just a way of saying, “As long as you are otherwise as much like us normal people as you can possibly be, we will overlook the fact that you do icky things in bed and let you have some more rights. You’re welcome.”

It reminds me of white folks, liberal-types, who think they’re not racist because they have black friends, only their black friends have their same level of education, talk just like they do, live in houses and neighborhoods that look just like theirs, and are basically indistinguishable from them except for their skin color, which happens to be browner. They need their colored folks to be just like them, or as near as possible. Otherwise, it’s just awkward.

In fact, this whole marriage thing is a lot like whiteness. Over time, certain groups get to be added to this realm of privilege, so that other groups can always be left out of it. (see: Irish folks, Jewish folks, etc.)

Here’s another problem I have with all this: A few years ago, I was watching Keith Olbermann and he did this whole long, drawn-out, pompous blow-hard piece on why the gays should be able to get married. And his position was, basically, LOVE. Yeah. Love. That same-sex partners who love each other should be able to get married. Because that’s just fair and right. Yeah, he was real proud of himself, like he always is. And I was all, “Fuck you, Keith Olbermann.”

Because guess what? Straight people are not required to love each other to be able to get married. Nobody even asks them—no goddamn government official, anyhow. There is no question on any marriage license form that says, “Do you really love this person you are about to marry?” (Ok, I’ve never actually read a marriage license form, so I don’t know what the questions are. But I’m pretty sure that aint on there. And even if it was, it’s a pretty easy thing to just lie about). I mean, Kim Kardashian and that cro-magnon-looking mofo she was married to for like five seconds certainly did not love each other, certainly were not committed, probably were not monogamous, and still were allowed 1400 more legal rights for the duration of their five-second marriage than I get.

My point is, straight folks are not held to criteria such as love or monogamy or even commitment when being assessed for the right to marry. They do not have to be made worthy in the eyes of the public. (And nor should they be.) They just get it, flat out, case closed. And the rest of us don’t. Which means that all this talk of marriage “equality” is a kind of a joke.

(I am not advocating for poly marriage here. I don’t really care about that. I am saying that the issue of “marriage,” gay or straight, still elevates that particular kind of relationship above all others, and gives rights to some people that others never get.)

And even more importantly than all of that, is this question: what does same-sex marriage do for homeless queer youth? What does it do for the trans people being murdered in the streets? What does it do for the poor, of which many, many are queer people of color? Who does all this same-sex marriage stuff really benefit?

Until we stop giving value to certain kinds of relationships over others, until we stop projecting our personal values onto the lives of other consenting adults and making laws about it, until we stop being distracted by the crumbs that the few people in power throw at us so that we are too busy fighting over them to see that the actual pie is still forever off-limits to us, we’ll never break down these oppressive systems that let a few people through the door just so they can help hold it closed to the masses of people still being kept on the other side.

*If this post speaks to who you are and how you feel, then show your support! Please go HERE to help make marginalized voices heard!

Mia McKenzie is a writer and a smart, scrappy Philadelphian with a deep love of vegan pomegranate ice cream and fake fur collars. She is a black feminist and a freaking queer, facts that are often reflected in her writings, which have won her some awards and grants, such as the Astraea Foundation’s Writers Fund Award and the Leeway Foundation’s Transformation Award. She just finished a novel and has a short story forthcoming in The Kenyon Review. She is the creator of Black Girl Dangerous, a revolutionary blog. She is a nerd who will correct your grammar, so watch out for that.

MORE BLACK GIRL DANGEROUS:

Day 454: On Patriarchy, Power, Desire and, Of Course, Hair.

A Pound of Flesh: Cece McDonald, June Ambrose, and the Danger of Throwing a Weave On It

Love, QPOC Style.

An Open Love Letter to Folks of Color.

LIKE Black Girl Dangerous on Facebook.

17

May

787 notes

This text was reblogged from blackgirldangerous and originally by blackgirldangerous.

#queers #queer #obama #marriage #lgbt #monogamy #normativity #mythical norm #black girl dangerous